When you mention the word “divorce” there is always the image of two people in an intense argument. Movies and TV shows have always depicted divorce in a negative light, which is why it is avoided at all costs.
Divorce may have had a bad rap because of our penchant for polarities. Our view of marriage as blissful and heavenly leads us to believe that the end of a marriage is the polar opposite–with doom and rage, bickering until both parties are left in shambles.
Debunking the Myth
The myth that you can never have an amicable divorce has long been debunked. It should not be the end of the world, and it should also not destroy the parties involved. However, for there to be a peaceful and agreeable parting, the two parties should have similar mindsets. Not necessarily that they both agree to divorce, but simply to approach the proceeding with an open mind and a listening heart.
Here are some tips to have an amicable divorce:
Understand what a divorce is.
Divorce is simply a legal and official separation. It is not and does not have to be an attack on you as a person. Many divorces devolve into accusations just because one party wants to blackmail the other and use it as leverage. When the other party retaliates, then the mudslinging will not end.
Accept that it’s the better option.
It is always difficult when one party wants to hold on to the marriage. It is important to enlighten them on why the divorce is necessary. If your marriage is already rocky and you find that you and your spouse are always bickering, it may be time to see the divorce as a lifesaver instead of a noose.
Agree to place the welfare of the children above all.
The law on divorce is meant to keep everything clear and legal not for the benefit of any of the opposing parties, but for the benefit of the children. They are the ones that the law aims to protect. If you enter a divorce proceeding thinking of yourself and what you can take, you would not reach a compromise.
If you start to think about the children’s welfare, then that is something both sides should agree on.
Remember to avoid burning bridges.
If you have children with your spouse, then it is highly unlikely that you will never see each other again. You will still be present at your children’s milestones—graduations, birthdays, etc.
Always remember that your ex-spouse will still be your co-parent and you would have to make decisions together in the future. Remind yourself of this fact and your intention to “destroy” your ex-spouse may seem unwise.
Summary: It is a myth that divorces cannot be amicable. With the right mindset, you and your spouse can make a smooth transition to become co-parents and even friends.
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