Co-parenting hacks are definitely needed when you deal with your child after your divorce. We all know that the strongest impact and blows from the divorce end up on the children. The divorce will completely change your child’s life and their views of the world. It will also change the way they spend time and interact with you and your spouse. You might get so focused on dealing with the divorce yourself that you might lose sight of how it affects your children. Even from the onset of the divorce, there are many issues that will lead you to fight against your spouse, and in the midst of that are your children.
During the divorce, you and your spouse would argue about issues such as who gets primary conservatorship and how much child support must be paid. However, more than anything, you should be concerned about the psychological and emotional status of your children. Their ability to trust must be impaired because of the divorce, and it’s up to you to build it up again. Of course, there are also situations where children are actually relieved that their parents are getting a divorce. Your relationship with your spouse may have made the home environment uncomfortable and suffocating for the children that they would actually want the marriage to be over. Regardless of what your situation may be, there’s likely a relationship with at least one of your children that you’d have to rebuild. The best medium to fix any broken relationship or iron out a strained one is through co-parenting. In order to do it right, you might need a couple of co-parenting hacks.
What is Co-Parenting?
Where divorce is, co-parenting is also usually present. It may be commonly utilized by people around you during the divorce but nobody is explaining it properly. You could ask many lawyers in the courthouses what co-parenting means, and you’d receive a variety of responses for sure. In a nutshell, co-parenting is when you and your ex will agree to work together for the benefit of your children, despite not living under the same roof. This further means that you are both ready to communicate and take responsibility for the children.
Co-parenting is not easy. You will also be trying to start a new life apart from your ex whom you might have depended on for a long time. You might still be angry and talking to your ex may be the last thing on your mind. However, this arrangement is the best when it comes to helping your children deal with the aftermath of the divorce. It’s the next best thing to having both parents living harmoniously under one roof. Because of this, the Texas Family Code included this setup in the ‘default’ arrangement post-divorce: Joint Managing Conservatorship.
Joint Managing Conservatorship
This is where you’d have to apply co-parenting hacks if you already have some. In Joint managing conservatorship, both parents have the equal rights as well as duties in raising each child. This is the usual setup the court will leave you with on your final divorce decree. You will need a substantial amount of evidence before you can get the court to make a different decision. If there is a solid evidence that one parent has engaged in drug or alcohol abuse and even child abuse, there is a big chance that the court will award you with a different arrangement.
Co-parenting is great because it provides consistency. Children, no matter what age they’re in, are likely to follow what they see, not what they are told. If your child observes that you and your ex work together despite differences, it would stick with your child and it would help in shaping them into the type of adults they’re going to be. You can be fuming mad with your ex-spouse but you still need to appear unified in front of the children. When everything in your children’s lives is drastically changing, they would need a consistent relationship with both parents to help them through it. If you stay consistent, your children can grow and they’d be able to get over the fears and anxieties that are associated with the divorce. Only then can they feel comfortable in the new environment they’re in.
Basic Co-parenting Hacks
There are many instances wherein you need to unite together with your ex in dealing with your children after the divorce. One of these is in terms of discipline. For instance, if your ex-spouse grounded your son because he broke some rules (such as playing video games instead of doing his homework), you should go along with that. If you refuse to back your spouse’s orders in front of your child, your child may end up taking sides and it would hinder his growth mentally, psychologically and emotionally. He might even grow up confused and with a distorted view of the world. You have to be consistent – especially when it comes to discipline.
Another thing you must always prioritize is your communication with your co-parent. If you communicate properly, you would prevent issues such as misunderstanding and misinformation. Such issues may not sound so huge, but it could impact your child’s environment in a very negative way.
As much as possible, avoid roasting your ex-spouse in front of your children. Make sure that your other relatives will not also speak ill of your ex-spouse especially when your children are around. Your ex may be history for you, but for your children, he or she will forever be a parent. Saying bad things about your ex might teach your children to disrespect other people.
Teach your children to treat others the way they want to be treated. Remember that the best way to teach your children things is by being an example.
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