non custodial father

How to Keep Your Role as a Father to Your Kids After Divorce When You Are a Non-Custodial Parent


You recently got divorced. Your ex-partner has custody over your kids. Now, you’re living on your own or at least living apart from them. Does this sound familiar? If it does, chances are you might be worrying about how you can still be a father to your children. Well, as much as this is a rather scary thought, this really shouldn’t worry you so much. Just because you don’t have custody over your children doesn’t mean being a father to them is impossible.  There are still some things you can do to work around it.

Keep in Touch

The first thing you can do to help work around this situation would be to do your best to keep in touch with them. With the advent of technology, keeping in touch with people is relatively easy now. There is absolutely no excuse for you to not contact them. Whether it be through phone calls or video calls, messaging apps, or anything like that, checking in on your kids nowadays is practically one button-touch away. Check on them and ask them how they are, how their day was, what they’ve been up to, and the like. Let them know you still care and that you’re still there. Just because you’re not around physically doesn’t mean you still aren’t there for them at all. Just think of it as a long-distance relationship of sorts.

Talk to Your Ex

Just because you two are now divorced doesn’t mean you can be good co-parents with one another, especially if you two aren’t on bad terms. Work together with your ex to at least be great parents to your children. Working together helps make it less confusing for your kids when they still see that mom and dad, though they aren’t together anymore, are still working together to be their parents. If both of you care enough about your kids, you’ll be able to set your differences aside for them. 

Put the “Quality” in Quality Time

On the days that you do happen to see them and be with them in person, make the most out of your time with them. Since you both don’t get to see each other as often, it’s only right that you make sure that you give them the best quality time you can give them. Actions speak louder than words, after all. So, make sure that your actions help back up whatever you tell them over the phone or on your messages. Your kids would definitely appreciate the effort and it’ll definitely help your relationship with them.

Fatherhood isn’t defined merely by the presence of a father figure. It’s defined by the actions of the father figure towards their children. Don’t let distance stop you from still being the best dad you can be for them.

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Mr. Hutton is a Divorce and Custody Lawyer based out of Round Rock, TX. His background is with child psychology at Arizona State University where he received a B.S. in 2006, and he continued this by working with the Children’s Right’s Clinic at the University of Texas School of Law where he received his J.D. in 2009. Throughout his practice, he has been a strong proponent of utilizing modern technology to improve his practice and the representation of his clients. He currently is the technology chair of CAFA of Travis County and is committed to improving and modernizing the practice of law in Texas.

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