On Love and Divorce: Can We Really Move On from Our Exes?


After your divorce, getting over your ex is the next thing you are going to worry about. You begin to ask yourself “how do I move on?” Eventually, you will find yourself googling this on your phone. People will start giving you advice on what to do next and telling you to meet new people.

Before you even get into it, understand first what moving on is. To move on does not mean to hate, nor does it mean to be indifferent. It does not mean winning the breakup or being in another relationship. To move on means not investing any form of negative emotion towards your ex-husband/wife. To have moved on means you have chosen yourself and you have committed to yourself.

Processing It

Now that you’ve defined it, you can now go through the process. Moving on from an ex does not happen overnight. It is different for everybody. Do not be pressured by anyone who tells you that you have got to get over it now. You will get there eventually, but you can take your time. Take the time to process your emotions and use them to make yourself better. Look at the mistakes that you’ve made so that you know not to do them again. Though make sure that while going through this that you do not harness hate, instead, focus on what good came out of your marriage. This is where your kids come in.

Your Kids

When you are divorced, it invalidates your marriage. You stop being husband and wife, but you remain to be parents. It is not something out of the ordinary. In fact, a lot of kids grow up with divorced parents. The tricky thing is how you co-parent with your ex. The way to do this is to set your ground rules and arrive at common agreements that will help you both raise your child. Believe it or not, this affects your kids more than you think.

That is why it is important that you help them understand the situation and why it had to happen. Just make sure that while you are doing this, it must not come off as if you are trying to get your kid on your side allowing him to hate your ex who also happens to be his other parent.

Yourself

When you are moving on, this is the time to think about yourself and who you are outside of your marriage. See this as an opportunity to grow and to be someone better than you were. Maybe there are things that you have been wanting to do but for some reason in the past, you just couldn’t. Focus on allowing yourself to be happy. Try new hobbies, learn new things and discover new interests. You owe it to yourself.

Meeting New People

Who knows, maybe you would find yourself being with someone who is a much better fit. Let’s face it, apart from being a parent, you are now also single and you ask yourself, “can I ever love again?”.

A lot of people think that after a divorce, that is just it for them. To be in another relationship or to remarry seems unlikely. On the other hand, there are some who cannot wait to meet new people and start dating again. Either way, you can never tell what happens next. Though if you do find yourself meeting someone that makes you happy, then go give it to yourself.

Don’t limit yourself just because your previous marriage fell apart. However, if you feel that you are not yet ready, be honest about it. Even if there is nothing wrong with being in a relationship after a divorce, you must also know not to force it. Maybe you just have to give yourself a little more time to focus on yourself and what your priorities are.

Acceptance is the Key

By the end of the day, this all depends on you. The key to moving on is acceptance. Accept that you and your ex did not work out and that you two deserve to be happy, even if it means separately. When you no longer cling to the past and think of how you two were and could still be, then you are getting there. When you find yourself happy and free from any bitterness or sadness, then you have moved on.

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Mr. Hutton is a Divorce and Custody Lawyer based out of Round Rock, TX. His background is with child psychology at Arizona State University where he received a B.S. in 2006, and he continued this by working with the Children’s Right’s Clinic at the University of Texas School of Law where he received his J.D. in 2009. Throughout his practice, he has been a strong proponent of utilizing modern technology to improve his practice and the representation of his clients. He currently is the technology chair of CAFA of Travis County and is committed to improving and modernizing the practice of law in Texas. If you have any questions you can contact him at timothy.hutton@austintexaslegal.com

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