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Tips Before You Call or Send Messages to Your Ex-Spouse

Usually, there is an abrasive atmosphere in divorce proceedings. There are times that it can get outright hostile. Thus, communication between the divorced parents can be awkward, at the very least.

After the divorce, the marriage is dissolved, but the estranged couple must understand that they are still co-parents to their children for as long as they live. They have to agree on such pivotal decisions regarding the children’s education, health and residence. They also need to pool their resources to provide for the children’s needs.

Nothing will ever be the same between the divorced parents, but they still need to overcome their differences for the sake of their children. How can the divorced parents reconnect through today’s communication methods?


This could be the best icebreaker for the ex-spouses. Emails are impersonal and often used for business. This is the best way to share and send official documents with even just one liners as the message.

Communication through email can avoid the stigma that comes with accidental reminders of happier times. You only send and receive what is necessary, and this I why it is advisable to start the communication with this method.

Text Messages/SMS

In cases where the exchange of responses needs to keep up in real time, text messages can be the better alternative. There are pleasantries involved but the conversation can still remain on topic.

The downside to text messages is that they are vulnerable to phone signals. Also, unlike email, there is always a record of sent and unsent messages. There have been cases of “lost” messages in SMS.

Telephone Calls

When both sides have settled and are ready to engage in constructive discussion, it is now time to talk. This is probably the next best thing to actually meeting in person, and it is still devoid of the pretense of social media.

Things to Note when Communicating with Your Co-Parent

  • It is better to address the other party as your “co-parent” rather than your “ex-spouse.”  The first term dwells on the task that they still have to do together (parenting) rather than focus on the past relationship that can never be recovered.
  • Co-parenting is not a competition, so it is best not to compare. This is more for the sake of the children than anyone else. Asking the children to compare of even make a preference between their divorced parents will only exert more pressure upon them.
  • Always remember that co-parenting is a lifelong commitment. The children cannot change their parents and your interaction is inevitable. Hence, it is better to seek civility and peace rather to be judgmental and antagonistic.
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Mr. Hutton is a Divorce and Custody Lawyer based out of Round Rock, TX. His background is with child psychology at Arizona State University where he received a B.S. in 2006, and he continued this by working with the Children’s Right’s Clinic at the University of Texas School of Law where he received his J.D. in 2009. Throughout his practice, he has been a strong proponent of utilizing modern technology to improve his practice and the representation of his clients. He currently is the technology chair of CAFA of Travis County and is committed to improving and modernizing the practice of law in Texas. If you have any questions you can contact him at

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