ex-spouse

What to Do When Your Ex is Seeing Someone New


Over the course of our lives, we meet the most special person that we love dearly, so much so that we spend most of our time with them. But after years of being together, all goes down the drain and you are left with sorrow and pain for losing someone you really cared for.

Whether you are currently in the process of moving on or when you already moved on from a relationship, seeing your ex’s post about a new partner would raise a bit of curiosity on the back of your mind. True, your relationship ended and both of you chose to do it, but then, things can still go awkward. So how do we go through this?

It’s okay not to be okay

Sure, many of us will say “Of course, I’m very much okay!” even if we’re not. We don’t want others to feel sorry for us. Like falling in love, the first step in moving on is denial. You say that you are happy for them even though, deep inside, something stepped upon your ego. It is hard, especially when you just got out of a relationship. However, this stage is normal. All you need to do is admit. Acceptance will make you feel better.

Let your emotions out

To express your feelings doesn’t mean that you need to speak it out with your ex. You have your friends and your family to vent out your feelings. One of the best ways to get negative emotions out of your system is through talking to other people. They can give you pieces of advice or they can invite you to some activities which would help distract you from thinking about your ex. 

Life is not a race

You might wonder why your ex seemed to have moved on faster than you. It might ring alarm bells about your feelings or your capacity to be in a relationship again. All wounds heal at different periods and in a different way. Stop comparing yourself to your ex or to his or her new partner. Life is always about timing.

Communicate, if you have kids

One of the struggles of divorced couples is how to explain to their children that they’re seeing someone new. It is important to note that, even if you are already free to see someone new, your kids are still on top of the priorities. Communication will solve and prevent all misunderstandings.

Encourage your ex to tell the children. Plan out the visitation schedule and talk about custody. Get assurance from your ex that his or her current partner would not be a problem when it comes to your kids. It is inevitable that you must work together for your children’s welfare, so you must make sure that your ex’s partner understands the situation.

Don’t be bitter, be better

Psychology suggests that even when you already have moved on from your past relationship, you may undergo the process of spontaneous recovery when you and your ex have crossed paths with each other. You will remember the pain and the happy moments which will make you feel bitter at times. Nevertheless, the secret to a happy life is contentment and having a positive outlook. It is not healthy to bad-mouth your ex or your ex’s partner to other people, especially to your child if you have one. Always have self-control. Recall how you broke up and use the lessons of the past to guide your future. After all, we don’t repeat our mistakes, we learn from them. 

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Mr. Hutton is a Divorce and Custody Lawyer based out of Round Rock, TX. His background is with child psychology at Arizona State University where he received a B.S. in 2006, and he continued this by working with the Children’s Right’s Clinic at the University of Texas School of Law where he received his J.D. in 2009. Throughout his practice, he has been a strong proponent of utilizing modern technology to improve his practice and the representation of his clients. He currently is the technology chair of CAFA of Travis County and is committed to improving and modernizing the practice of law in Texas.

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